


Dumpster World

by LePipi



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Sex Talk, mentions of d/s, mentions of vague past abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 02:42:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4330734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LePipi/pseuds/LePipi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Richard attempts to engage Jared in an adult conversation. Somehow, he still manages to pull through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dumpster World

Richard’s awkwardness was an undeniable fact of his being, and he accepted it as such. There wasn’t much controlling the embarrassing things he would say, nor was there any suppressing his manner of existing. There _was_ vomiting, but that was irrelevant. 

Acceptance or not, he hated it. It was the most useless thing about himself. And made him useless.

He needed to establish a connection right then, he needed to be able to take his boyfriend’s hand and _talk_ to him. There were things he needed saying, and truths he needed known.

Yet, just by looking at him, _thinking_ about it, his palms were slicked with sweat, and his bed sheets sticky behind his back, warm with trepidation.

“Is everything alright, Richard?” Jared’s earnest look of concern never did change. He always held his sincerity, before, when he was just a handy guy to have, and after, when he became a necessity to his life.

Richard’s breath came ragged as he pulled the headphones down, dragged to the side of the bed, his laptop following suit.

“I need to talk about sex.” There it was again! The ever present brain damage!

Luckily for him, Jared was the kind of guy that took everything in stride. And strode over this issue, too.

“Alright then. Would you like us to be closer, or is this distance acceptable?” He felt a SCRUM table being compiled in Jared’s mind.

“You can come over, dude. ‘S your bed.” He made to stick to the wall, as Jared was an undeniably big guy, no matter how much he tried to shrink his presence.

His boyfriend nestled easily, a modest smile kept on his lips. He’d seen that shade of smile before. It meant ‘politely guarded’.

It struck him as wrong.

And so he kept quiet. Fiddled with the headphones by his stomach. Untangled them. Felt his back sticking to the wall.

“Is it alright if I start the conversation, Richard?”

“Yeah, sure, go, start… Sex. Talking! Talking about, you know, me and you, and what might happen there… Not that it _has to_ , of course, you might be asexual, and I wouldn’t begrudge you that, we’re in this together, and I’m sure there are ways to express ourselves physically that doesn’t embody the act of sex, I mean, who am I even to _ask_ for sex, I’ve been a virgin for, for a longtime, and even not being a virgin doesn’t mean much, doesn’t mean anything really, the sex I’ve had has been ok, and that’s more for me, than for the girls, I’m sure, always dropped dead after coming, hardly had the energy to go through with it, girls don’t really like to be on top, at least not the girls I’ve been with, and you know, they never really teach you how to have quality sex, that it takes a lot of learning and practice, but not, like, experimenting with people, because that’s, first of all, rude, and then just, wrong, and that it comes down to having a steady and trusting partner with which you _can_ learn, and develop and, and get better and not just ejaculate and dread having a failing body that can’t even-“

“Richard!” He felt him before he heard him.

Jared was really bigger than him.

He wasn’t muscular, but he was cozy, and his hugs were always the best. Being in his arms, against his chest, was like being enveloped in the warmest, softest, blanket made of clouds and stars.

And he was making his boyfriend damp.

Worked himself into a frenzy, or the big, bad, capital P, panic attack, and there he was. Basically oozing piss into his boyfriend’s sweet mustard colored sweater.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled into his chest.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Richard. Although, you’ve promised me that I’d never be a cause for panic to you.”

“Yeah, I know, I fucked up-“

“You’re doing it again. I’m afraid I don’t know how to reassure you that there is no reason to feel distressed about me.”

“It’s not you that’s causing me to be like this, it’s me being me-“

“And communication with me, being the catalyst for your panic attack. You were having trouble breathing just by thinking about us. I need you to trust in me, and trust that we can speak as adults, as openly as we need to.”

“Alright… That’s ok.”

“Is it alright if I speak now?”

“’Course it is.”

“I’m not a virgin. I’ve slept with women and men both. A lot of my experience has not been pleasant. In fact, it has been categorized as ‘damaging’. I don’t feel it has had a crippling effect on me, although I do have some difficulties. Some of my tastes are questionable, too. In my efforts at having healthy sex, fulfilling for both me and my partners, I have come to certain realizations. I like being dominant in bed. Being submissive, in any way, shape or form, triggers bad memories. I’m afraid I’m not comfortable sharing them with you, just yet, although I’m working on getting there. I do not want you to worry about any of this, as I can assure you that I’m perfectly capable of loving you physically. My dominance doesn’t embody violence or aggression, simply being ‘on top’, as it is said, and to be given the freedom to use strength. Again, this doesn’t mean violence, this means, oh, let’s say, holding you up against a wall and perhaps penetrating you like that. Vocal encouragement is also welcome. Although nothing demeaning or infantilizing. I also have issues with perspective. An example would be giving you ‘a blowjob’, as it is known, while you’re standing or laying. I can’t do the first, while I’m perfectly happy to provide the second. I understand that these ‘quirks’ may be overwhelming, and require a lot, perhaps too much from you, and so, I am willing and of course understanding to hearing your refusal and, or, your wish to disengage from our current relationship.”

Jared’s speech came easy to him, almost too easy. Hearing all of this, for Richard, it was…too much. There was so much to address, His past, and what it meant, and who would ever hurt Jared, how could they, who were they, did Jared know where they lived, how fast could he learn to fire a gun, would his aim be good, _what does Jared need?_

And then his… Tastes.

Being on top, letting him fall to Jared’s will, being his to bring to completion, being held, being held _in the air_ , being _fucked against a wall_ , _Jared_ fucking him against a wall, giving him a _blowjob_ , telling Jared how good he is, how perfect he is, being left to yell and plead as hard as he could…

Jared was too much.

“Richard? If you feel ill I could-“

“I, love, you, Jared. And, I, for what it’s worth, I’d never leave you. And, yes I’d like to have sex with you. Whenever you’re comfortable to do so. And just… Tell me everything. Everything you want. I-I need to make you feel good.”

“Well, that’s just the thing. I require being the one making sure _you’re_ feeling good.”

Jared was going to be the death of him.

"And, of course, I love you too."

Death my dazzling innocent smiles of a dom.

**Author's Note:**

> First Jarrich fic! It started as a ficlet, so that's why I'm kind of short on descriptive details, but you get the picture. If you guys like this I will add a longer chapter (or chapters! who knows)


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